Introduction: What exactly is intimacy and why do we crave it so much?
Humans are social animals, and as such, we have a need to feel connected to others and to believe that we are worthy of feeling love. If one of the worst punishments we have in our criminal justice system is solitary confinement—the isolation of a prisoner in a separate cell away from all other human contact—then it can be imagined that intimacy, close personal relations, is one of the ultimate rewards.
In an article by Shana Schutte, she elaborates that, “Real intimacy makes us feel alive like we’ve been found, as if someone finally took the time to peer into the depths of our soul and really see us there. Until then, until we experience true intimacy, we will feel passed over and ignored, like someone is looking right through us.”
“You are born with a particular makeup and tendencies that mark you as a piece of fate. It is who you are to the core. Some people never become who they are; they stop trusting in themselves; they conform to the tastes of others, and they end up wearing a mask that hides their true nature. If you allow yourself to learn who you really are by paying attention to that voice and force within you, then you can become what you were fated to become—an individual, a Master.” ~ Robert Greene, Mastery
“What if you don’t so much have a passion or purpose as much as you pursue something, or a bunch of things, with passion and a sense of purpose? And what if the deeper you get into that exploration or pursuit and the more competent you become, the more interested you get in doing and learning and discovering on a fiercer, more engaged, dare I say a more ‘passionate’ or ‘purposeful’ way?” ~ Jonathan Fields, How To Live A Good Life
“We all have values for ourselves. We protect these values. We try to live up to them and we justify them and maintain them. Even if we don’t mean to, that’s how our brain is wired. If I believe I’m a nice guy, I’ll avoid situations that could potentially contradict that belief. If I believe I’m an awesome cook, I’ll seek out opportunities to prove that to myself over and over again. The belief always takes precedence. Until we change how we view ourselves, what we believe we are and are not, we cannot overcome our avoidance and anxiety. We cannot change.” ~ Mark Mason, The Subtle Art of Not Giving a F*ck