12 Quotes About Intimacy that Will Bring You Closer to Your Loved One (and Yourself)
Introduction: What exactly is intimacy and why do we crave it so much?
Humans are social animals, and as such, we have a need to feel connected to others and to believe that we are worthy of feeling love. If one of the worst punishments we have in our criminal justice system is solitary confinement—the isolation of a prisoner in a separate cell away from all other human contact—then it can be imagined that intimacy, close personal relations, is one of the ultimate rewards.
In an article by Shana Schutte, she elaborates that, “Real intimacy makes us feel alive like we’ve been found, as if someone finally took the time to peer into the depths of our soul and really see us there. Until then, until we experience true intimacy, we will feel passed over and ignored, like someone is looking right through us.”
And that feeling of being passed over and ignored—like you’re invisible—can be incredibly damaging. In a previous article I discussed how indifference towards someone (having no particular interest or sympathy; unconcerned) can be just as painful as someone who is acting out of sheer hate towards a person. It’s why sometimes people prefer to get negative attention than none at all—at least they feel a connection.
…But what exactly is true intimacy?
To start, it’s important that intimacy be about more than just closeness of bodies. A purely physically intimate relationship (such as a one-night stand) or a purely mentally intimate relationship (such as an online relationship) are superficial and will never take you to the depths of experience and emotion that a complete or true intimate relationship will. A complete intimate relationship is the bringing together and melding of two bodies, minds, and spirits into a dance of close personal relations and expression that allows both individuals to express the totality of who they are. It is one of the ultimate experiences.
This is why ‘no-strings-attached’ relationships can become quite complicated, confusing, and never work out equally well for both people involved. Body, mind, and spirit are all interconnected and closeness of bodies deepens the connection between the minds and spirits, just as a closeness of minds deepens the connection between bodies and spirits—it is all part of the whole of who we are.
Below, you will find our list of twelve quotes about intimacy that will bring you closer to your loved one and yourself. Just as closeness in one dimension of intimacy deepens the connections of the other dimensions (minds/ bodies/ spirits), so too does the intimacy with another person deepen the closeness and connection you’ll have with yourself. The person you share an intimate relationship with becomes a sort of mirror that reflects back to you elements of who you are that can’t be discovered without them. The key is to be mindful and open about the feelings, emotions, and ideas that become aroused when you are spending intimate time together and to reflect on the stirrings that occur. Good luck and enjoy!
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The List: 12 Quotes About Intimacy that Will Bring You Closer to Your Loved One (and Yourself)
“Many people are desperate to find a soul mate, someone who responds to their deep image of love and intimacy. They go to great lengths to meet people, and they spend considerable time feeling achingly deprived of the joys of intimacy they imagine. Their attitude is summed up in the frequent lament: When am I going to find the person who is right for me? This approach to love seems to reflect the narcissism of the times. When am I going to get what I need for my growth and my satisfaction? An alternative would be to give all that attention either to one’s own life – developing one’s talents, educating oneself in culture, and simply becoming an interesting person – or to a needy society. This crafting of a life is a positive way of preparing oneself for intimacy.” ~ Thomas Moore, Original Self
“True intimacy is a human constant. People of all types find it equally hard to achieve, equally precious to hold. Age, education, social status, make little difference here; even genius does not presuppose the talent to reveal one’s self completely and completely absorb one’s self in another personality. Intimacy is to love what concentration is to work: a simultaneous drawing together to attention and release of energy.” ~ Robert Grudin
“The whole point of an intimacy is to serve each other in growth and love, hopefully in better ways than we can serve ourselves. Otherwise, why engage in intimacy if your growth and love are served more by living alone? Intimacy is about growing more than you could by yourself, through the art of mutual gifting.” ~ David Deida, The Way of the Superior Man
“It is an absolute human certainty that no one can know his own beauty or perceive a sense of his own worth until it has been reflected back to him in the mirror of another loving, caring human being.” ~ John Joseph Powell,
“Jason once told me that eye contact is the most intimacy two people can have — forget sex — because the optic nerve is technically an extension of the brain, and when two people look into each other’s eyes, it’s brain-to-brain.” ~ Douglas Coupland,
“Physical intimacy isn’t and can never be an effective substitute for emotional intimacy.” ~ John Green
“Real intimacy is a sacred experience. It never exposes its secret trust and belonging to the voyeuristic eye of a neon culture. Real intimacy is of the soul, and the soul is reserved.” ~ John O’Donohue, Anam Cara: A Book of Celtic Wisdom
“The capacity for solitude is a prerequisite for intimacy with another. Otherwise, it may well be that the desperate search for a partner is merely the expression of personal emptiness, and if that is the case, any relationship will be founded on weak grounds and will not satisfy the yearning for connection. The expression ‘soul mate’ can mean a partnership in which the soul is engaged, in which one’s own soul connects with another’s. This is no small thing, and it reaches far deeper than the resolution of any superficial search for romance. Part of what we long for in our wish for a soul mate is intimacy with and the expression of our own soul.” ~ Thomas Moore, Original Self
“Can the purpose of a relationship be to trigger our wounds? In a way, yes, because that is how healing happens; darkness must be exposed before it can be transformed. The purpose of an intimate relationship is not that it be a place where we can hide from our weaknesses, but rather where we can safely let them go. It takes strength of character to truly delve into the mystery of an intimate relationship, because it takes the strength to endure a kind of psychic surgery, an emotional and psychological and even spiritual initiation into the higher Self. Only then can we know an enchantment that lasts.” ~ Marianne Williamson, Enchanted Love: The Mystical Power Of Intimate Relationships
“In the end, the feminine search for love and the masculine search for freedom reach the same destination: the unbounded and infinite ground of being who you are, which is both absolute love and freedom.” ~ David Deida, The Way of the Superior Man
“If you love a person and live the whole life with him or with her, a great intimacy will grow and love will have deeper and deeper revelations to make to you. It is not possible if you go on changing partners very often. It is as if you go on changing a tree from one place to another, then another; then it never grows roots anywhere. To grow roots, a tree needs to remain in one place. Then it goes deeper; then it becomes stronger. Intimacy is good, and to remain in one commitment is beautiful, but the basic necessity is love. If a tree is rooted in a place where there are only rocks and they are killing the tree, then it is better to remove it. Then don’t insist that it should remain in the one place. Remain true to life – remove the tree, because now it is going against life.” ~ Osho, Love, Freedom, Alonenss: The Koan of Relationships
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